lets see.. new hair? check.
new clothes? check.
new must have drink? check.

wad else do i need to get? shoes. bag. and more tops.

okie. nothing much happening just that i haven't wrote my letter. and that wellz i apparently am addicted to green apple celery juice. eek? a bit.

my hair's short again. i couldn't wait till june. its actually quite normal looking but if i can style it properly it has a mod feel to it. and i like it. my mom said it wasn't worth the 28 bucks. and scolded me for not goin to her hairdresser. i dun lik hers. she has limited creativity. she scolded me for getting pimples. i dunno wad's up with that. mothers are weird don't you agree?

my mom made me eat supper with my dad coz my da kor pang sehed him. which is stupid, becuase she was the one who bought chicken only for dinner before asking. and is not filling. so yeah went down to the market to eat supper again. i ate supper yesterday. i've been eatin alot of suppers.

i should stop scheduling morning driving lessons.

i was 66.8 this morning.
i'm 67.7 now. haha.



Could you be my Lover?
Could you be my Heart?
Could you save me from myself?
Or be my Mighty Ark?

The World's around me laughing,
assured in their own stride.
i try my best to step in tune,
but never am a part.

I looked to you for solace,
I sought when i despaired.
I couldn't find your presence,
or a shadow for warmth.

The Listless Souls are running,
Yes, I am keeping up.
I see the abyss before me,
I wondered how they passed.

I guess you didn't know.
I was hurting yet again.
I didn't let you know,
Afraid you didn't care.

I saw two herds of people,
Both of which, I adored,
I could not yet decide,
Which path to call my own.

My inner self keeps mocking,
My facade I put still smiling,
I try so hard to portray,
A stranger now familiar.

I want to stop, just end,
To let my sanity be kept.
This yearning that I have,
I'll never admit again.

I am finding my own Heart,
to put it back to Me.
To find my spirit yet again,
to be soaring, set free.


my colleagues told me of the meiji factory which sold chocolates cheaper than the market rate, apparently the factory opens to the public on every Friday for lik 3 hrs only, when i find out where it is, you guys are invited to go with me the next time. :) btw. i think i've become serene'z personal assistant, not that i'm complaining but its a bit too boring.. but at least she is nice.

i need to pack my room to find my earphones so that i can run and listen to music discreetly, i'm for retail therapy tomorrow.. wow that's crap. i need to buy clothes for my ( i dun want to go/dunno what i'm doing/why i'm goin) interview on this tuesday.

i've been eating supper these past few nights and i ate a whole bunch of chocolates in the office today. i so have to get down to writing my letter.

i know why i want to fly away, maybe its to start a fresh, maybe is to prove my independence, but i konw i'm scared shit to actually go. i really need to pack my room and go for a run.. and hopefully not get an outbreak of hives again.

there'z driving tmr. my instructor says i'm too rash, impatient and impulsive.. all this he can tell me through my driving. den he corrected himself and told me to go for a medical check up coz he thinks i've got heart problems/high blood pressure. and honestly i won't be surprised.i feel lik puking my guts out, just cause i think i'll feel better after dat. there'z perpetual bats flying in my stomach now..i have no idea why they coined the term butterflies in my stomach when its ironic to describe your distress with the graceful fluttering of butterflies









67.8 :(

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Dydy is your soulmate.

You truly love Jasmine.

You consider Wendy your true friend.

You know that Pear is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Dada for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Darrell is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Sophia is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Cheryl is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Cheryl changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Christina is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Christina has a hidden internet romance.

obsession with weight??
i'll make it a healthy obsession okie?
darn i am really whinny. okie its not lik a news flash or anything but yeah. i should really just shuddup. lik seriously.

okie darrell andre and i had our last meal/show together. tnmt. not bad. it reminded my of my childhood days when i watched it. i couldn't remember their names and the backgrounds either, the plot was actually rather lame but it was worth it because of the sentiments it held.

bought new shoes. met up with jaz. i need to revamp my wardrobe again. i think that person i showed you was lik sporty glam look rite? lol. i'm becoming flowery. i bought flowery shoes. i've a flowery top, a flowery skirt and i almost got a flowery handphone pouch. i hope its a phase. coz i think i'm getting too flowery.

anywayz. da kor picked me up. had to wait for him for another 20 mins after i told him i'd be there in 15.. ar wellz. not the point. he told me my skirt was too short! and i was lik reallie?.. yeah. he said my legs were too muscular. yepz. he was just being nice. too nice to tell me that i'm fat. yesh. i noe most of you would think i'm not that fat. yeah i noe. but yet i am fat. darrell's 65 andre'z 59. my er kor who is 175 is 61.9 and my da kor who is my height is 62. *da kor was surprised that he was heavier den er kor. he attributed it to reservice puttin on muscles.. haha i think he'z rite. anywayz. so i think 62 might be still a little fat. after i am the youngest and the girl in the family. so i guess under 60 would be nice. *i hope my broz dun loose weight.. i think they will be my bench mark.

yesh jelaine is being lik any other stereotypical girl out there who lets herself be defined by societal standard on what is acceptable and what is not. i'm sorry if you don't lik it that i'vescummed to the standard set by the insane world which we call humanity. i'll try my best not to let this stupid numbers to get to me. it would be an outright lie to tell you i just want to be healthy. if i reach 52 someone should really stop me. maintaining is another story altogether.








67.2



It should be called something like Remberance Saturday, after all there is lik a Good Friday and an Easter Sunday, even the Thursday is called Moarning Thursday... So Saturday should get a name. heh.

I've seen Andre and Darrell 2 days in a row. that's a record considering we aren't studying together any more.. heh.. its going to be slightly weird now especially since i'm not goin to be flanked by those 2.. ar wellz.. have fun at army you guys.. :)

yepz. so i went down to andre'z farewell party yesterday before good friday service. lik -.- farewell to? his hair i suppose. *yesh now you noe how gay they actually are.. lol. saw he'z christian fellowship pple there.. and i realised one thing. that hey. there'z politics there too. haha. so much about wanting to fit in and wad not. i mean i am sure, that if i were there i would want to be in the in crowd too.. shrugs.

aniwaez i ended up pullin a late nighter making darrell'z tiramisu cake. i was almost a disaster. we decided to use the new mixer because we tot it would be less time consuming. however it turns out that the cream is too delicate or sumthing coz it ended up being a watery patch with lumps. i ended up manually beating it and thankfully was salvaged. snuck into bed at 3. rarh. considering that i woke up at 6 that day to shao mu and rushing here and there i would say it was rather tiring.

so we went down to tony roma's to have ribs. STUPID DARRELL. MADE ME TAKE A CAB DOWN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he was late! lik an hr late! rarh. okie i shan't harp on it coz we celebrated his birthday today. yeaps. walked around den went off for yf. and left early to meet zk pw mich and wen. :)

i lurve toking to them . lik the whole group of them. we kept laughing so hard at the restratuant dat lik before we could ask for anything the waiters knew what we want! lol. STUIPD ZHIKANG! insulted my religion again!!! he really should noe better so i ended up holding he'z wallet, phone and car keys hostage. heh. i slowly returned them to him but almost drove he'z horrendously lao pok car off. go get a new one alreadY!

we den crashed xinyi'z place coz peiwen was staying with her .. haha watched blood diamondS! lik finally. oh man it was a good show. i wished i caught it in the cinemas. its not your typical happy ending story. i like. yeahz. i think i'm goin to watch the departed too although i've already watch wu jian dao. heh due to my language barrier i think i'll get a clearer pic if i watched the english version.

actually looking back these past few days make me realise how ironic things actually are. lik why do we always celebrate qing ming jie around easter sunday? today was another eye opener to the world, lik can you imagine growing up in some conditions that people have to? what sets myself apart from otherS? what make me so full of myself that i think that i should have more, deserve more?

ohz today was a pig out day. gained weight. irritating. hiax. i lik the feelin of losing weight. right now its the only achievement that defines me. coz well there'z nothing else to do. i'm guessing its not too healthy a mindset.

there'z church tmr. i shan't repeat the same fiasco i had on friday.









68.2



If you could trade one thing about yourself for another what will it be?

This qns has been stuck in my head for wells, mostly today. And i guess i would want to be more discipline and less arrogant.

Anyways, went down to play bball tonite. It was fun, coz there weren't too many of us so we got to play all the time. Yepx, apparently i was aggressive, i tot i was just rough, i can't find a balance btwn cheong-ing and just well slacking. yepz.

Decided to hitch a ride to the market and lik grab a drink, and just to reiterate how totally not in sync i am with the pple there. so i'm wondering how everything else started, and well figuring how i am suppose to at least try to be in sync with them. I guess all i can say is that when doctrine is pit against fellowship, doctrine is more impt.

Seriously, seriously. i feel lik kicking some pple'z arses now just coz they are jerks. lik

i think its about time to stop celebrating my birthday. coz after awhile you realise that it slightly meaningless to do so. please remind me that i said that.

goin back to how i hate initiating stuff.. i think i should stop being so vocal. but i can't help it when i'm with pple i lik lol. yeah but most of the time i think i'm just too rash. i hate it. btw i only lik planning stuff with ONE person in particular. dunno if she knows its her though. shrugs.

i need to go off now. haven't done QT in 4 days. okie make that 5.

ohz my dad just asked me to eat a mars bar ice cream. i told him he'z crazy, its lik how late. he said its to fatten me up. lik okie. i'm fat enough. and i'll do that only when i'm lik 40 an under or sumthing, which i think is too thin and the only way to achieve that is to be anorexic or bulimic. SERIOUSLY.










67.7



I am Happy. Just needed to state that.

Okie.. i've actually no mood to blog now. I had during work but i couldn't and i can't remember what i really want to say. But since my com is up, and i have missed the clicking of this keyboard so much.. i decided to blog anywayz.

Yeps its about redundant stuff. If you all haven't figured out. Jaz was the one who helped me with the skin. i might go try other skins now. but dang i've to go find them again. coz i saved the link on the laptop. btw this skin is the orange pinkish one. the background is cool but i think the pic of the girl is abit too i dunno bimbo? lol. ironic huh? yepz. i'll try to change it to another one by myself. but if i can't i dun mind sticking to this either.

wen tng dao-ed me. and dada do u not want me to go down with u? i totally okie if u said yesh.

ohz i'm still worrying. bout the auz uni applications thingy. i half dun want to go down coz i dunno as much as i lurve the new experience living independently abroad.. if actually scares me half to death too. so i bahz.

orph called YESTERDAY.. to scold me for not puttin my name down in the discretionary applications for both nus and ntu. HONESTLY, i'm not that special. i mean yeah. i've joined YAH and i did alot of charity work.. but it was done half-heartedly and i think its a safe bet that the activity and i are not well-buddies. So USING the namesake exco-member of YAH, a volunteery oraganisation under the HBP youth initiated programme makes me feel slightly how would you put it hypocritical? no that's not the word okie i can't find a better word than awkward. yepz. but if she gets in a i don't... .. .. .. she is rite. i'd probably regret it again. but i tried. i couldn't find the link last nite. lame excuse. i noe. i don't care. i WILL appeal.

hmm other den dat. hmm yeah i think i need to learn how to kick the habit of drinking coffe/tea. coz seriously it affects not only my level of energy but also my mood. i blame it on As. when i LIVED on coffee. rarh.

okie.. bouncing off now..








68.2



The weather is perfect and the only thing fit for it is to sleep.

My mind was wondering during the message today. I caught bits of the sermon which made me amuse and i saw clearer why some pple would actually detest the church. *shrugs.

Anywayz i was wondering what happened to us before we were born. As in were our souls in heaven praising the almighty Lord before we were sent down to earth for this trail? and if so. innately we all should thus remember that there is a God and would actually know which God it was. However, my presumption is that our physical mind cannot comprehend our once spiritual life and thus have deviated. Oh wait. this is wrong issin't it? okie my second theory is that I think that we were just created out of nothing-ness. That should be it rite? Like all of a sudden a soul is born. and we have been implanted into the womb with simply the hand of God. I'm amused. Really i am. I never thought that we were actually suppose to find out how things work. think about it. Don't u think its miraculous that from just 2 nucleus a creature is born? i should not phatom how things work and reasons behind it. what i do hope is that when i get to heaven (although we will probably be just singing praises all day long..) is that we have lik theology classes and maybe even a class called God's philosophy. I mean wouldn't it be cool just to noe how He thought and how it really all started?? hmm okie. maybe its just me. and i have to satisfy my curiosity from the Bible which states: "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth."Gen 1:1. I'm not questioning his history. well not exactly. I'm questioning bout ours, or more specifically mine. And how he came up with it. I really do hope with have dialouges in Heaven. Wishful thinking? might be.

Goin on.. coincidentally joy has the same handbag which wendy and sheila bought for me.. but it was in brown. apparently her aunt bought it for her. and ohz the 88 babes got me a present. :) thank you! its lik this really nice. i prefer the earrings though.. lol :P

hmm i lurve to read books that make me think, or for that matter reflect about stuff.. lik how one writer puts it. " I make myself crazy, because this is what I want them to think." It sends a jolt home. lik what i've actually been doing nowadays. i think i should stop it. unless this is really me. then i've nothing to say bout myself but that i'm dat shallow.

i want to shop today. wendy tng and i have clashing time tables. it makes me a bit sad. but haha. i think i did enough shoppin yesterday. hmm maybe i should go take my advice and go sleep.. either dat or i'll try to upload the new skin myself now and see if i am able to.







68.8

jELaiNe
mARcH 27tH 1988
NUS

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