FAT. that's wad i am recently.. have been goin to orchard with my parents 5 times in the past week. just so you know how crazily invovled in shopping my parents actually are. lol. whenever i eat with them.. i tend to eat alot.. coz its good food.. and they tend to slightly over order..

Anywayz.. i got my addidas jacket. :) its ordinary for the 109 bucks it was. just black with white stripes. the sales pple at addidas (the cathay) are nice. so far from my shoppin only the Hugo Boss at Taka and addidas would be consindered as good service.. which says alot about the quality of service in singapore..

went down to collect my cert at pioneer.. i sported a typo and wanted it change.. my dad scolded me for being so stupid for wanting to change SHe to She.. i dunno why i got scolded still.

i need to study. where are the fishes when you need theM? lol.. but i'm goin to korea from tmr till 3 june. so yepz.

I have accepted fass @ nus. they say u should be at peace with your decision if its the right one. I'm not. so what does that mean? I still want to go overseas.. but i noe its more for the experience then the acutal cert.. so am i rite to stay? I noe that I am not ready for this term to fly its too sudden and so am I stalling? my bro said to apply again for feb. Maybe i will. i'm not sure. Nothing is certain.

i watched pirates twice. just coz i tot that watching it the 2nd time would give me a better understanding.. and duh it did. went out with darrell and andre.. i noe what you guys are thinking.. lalala.. but it was amusing to note that they tot i was attached.. i have no idea why.. lol. and if you are goin to watch.. there'z a scene after the credits.. i dunno wad the scence after dead man'z chest was.. anyone wants to enlighten me?

damnz i haven't packed my bags. I'm so not ready to go.. haha.. i hope i have inspiration to pack tmr after.. rite now.. its just to bloody hot.

starting reading star wars again. gettin sucked into it again. i dunno why. i should stop reading it already..

okie.. off for another bath.. and to my book.. cheerios





Today started out as an errand day but it turned into something much bigger than that. So I returned my Carrier stuff,got my eyes checked and contacts ordered, got back my phone all in the morning. Then my dad said he needed to go shoppping. Okie i tot shoppin as in sheng shiong shopping.. but no.. it was Orchard Shopping. I was suprise!
He wanted to get a pair of jeans see. So he asked if I wanted to go along, and told me to get mommy down too just cuz she would grumble if we didn't invite her.. lol.

So here'z what happened. He needed to get a hand pouch for our trip to korea. He needed to get disposable underwear. He didn't want mommy to be spending so much money. I am just helping him pick out his jeans.

In the car I was even more bewildered when i found out that he wanted to get a Hugo Boss jeans. He was like
" I saw this guy wearing a pair of Boss jeans.. they looked really nice"..
I stared at him... he continues
"But i've been to Boss before and i haven't seen it.."
Relived I asked,
"When was that?"
He answered
" About 1 1/2 yrs ago."

Honestly I was skeptical when he wanted to buy the jeans. But okie. its HIS money. so technically he can do what he wants. So we went down to Boss and my dad was grateful that the ladies boss was on a diff level at taka.

You know how sales assistance aren't too friendly if they can sense that you are not buying anything? haha.. that never happens with daddy. So the boss guy (somewhat metro i would say.. all of them are.) was helping daddy.. daddy didn't noe wad size of pants he was wearing.. and he wanted sumthing high cut.. so the guy measured his waist and it was 35. Excuse me.. my dad is a LAO AH PEK. so can you imagine his BIG ROUND BELLY.. the guy put the mearsuring tape around his BIG ROUND BELLY! and was lik sir i'm sorry but you would have to try paragon.. we don't carry your size here.. LOL! my dad was utterly disappionted! haha..

After we went out of the door I was like.. why do you want boss jeans? and he was like coz i'm plannin to get ONE pair.. might as well get a good nice one. He den asked any other brands? WELLS.. since I knew his budget i suggested Armani Exchange and he was a happy tropper positively gleaming when he we walked down to A/X .. lol.. We saw a REALLY nice pair of jeans. Lik it totally complemented his butt and legs. *my dad is somewhat thinner den me.. so for a guy.. he's still quite in shape.. lol.. But you see he has an ultra big BELLY.. its lik a beer belly and a fat belly put together.. it has grown VERY LARGE AND ROUND.. and yeah.. generally now a days the cuts are a little low.. so his belly was seriously petruding out lik a muffin. like EEEKKKK!!!! lol.. BUT other den dat he looked good.. so we continued down to ck, timberland and levis.. and realised he wore a 32 and not a 35..(coz he wears it jus under his belly..) lol.. so my happy tropper went back to boss to try the 32/33 jeans.. and he found a pair for 298! its 1 buck cheaper den a/x.. lol.. but it didn't hug his stomach so much.. and a/x'z still looked nicer.. but he planned to get them anyways.. and when we were about to pay.. the sales assistance was lik there will be a sale soon.. want to get them then? lik how nice was dat! its lik 30% off then.. so it would be 209! omg! my dad was happy. he was lik OKIE! i'll come down first thing when the sales starts! .. haha this is called quality service! :)

so we went back to timberland coz mommy wanted to get a pair of walking shoes.. i ended up sitting there for lik another hr. and my dad got a pair too.. and lik coz they wanted to use the voucher more econmically.. they asked me if i wanted anything.. i almost bout a 124 khaki jacket. it is a REALLY NICE CUT.. and i was wearing an M! lik M! can you believe it? lol.. yeah.. but i think it was a ted bit too formal and its khaki.. i dun really look good in that colour.. so i decided to skip.. coz my dad was in an UBER good mood.. so i told him if i got this jacket i couldn't (coz it was not neccessary) to get my addidas jacket.. so he said okie lor.. and we hopped down to addidas.. and BAHZ! they didn't have anything nice therE!.. okie den i was slightly sad and exhausted.. and daddy still wanted to buy a kettle for boiling tea leaves.. so we went to the departmental store for another hr! RARH! by the time we left i was in a tired-grumpy mood.. and insisted that we went back to imm for dinner and hoshi..

that's when i saw IT!

you noe how some pple have stupid fatish-es? I have found mine. RILAKKUMA!!!!!!!!! i think most of you guys won't noe wad it is.. so here let me educate you:) its a teddy bear from san-x. dunno wad'z san-x? its the brand that brought you hello kitty,melody,kiropi and other irritatingly cute but despisable characters. if you can recall my japanese teddy bear ruler? yepz.. that Rilakkuma. :) I actually saw the shop before eating at hoshi.. but i was in a very daze and tired mood that i had no energy to investigate.. but after eating a very full tepanyaki dinner.. we had to walk around for the food to digest.. so daddy went to challenger.. mommy went to daiso and i headed for that shop.. lol.. and there! i found my LONG LOST RULER! the one that my piano teacher gave me when i was lik p5 or p6 for scoring merit on one of my praticals.. its not the exact same.. but it is in the tranclucent white colour with it on top. Love at first sight is all i can say.. I actually did buy a replacement before.. but its not really nice... and i've been looking for this character for lik 3-5 yrs now. so Excuse me for being overly estatic.

Now. don't kill me. i spent $21 on 3 items. namely.. the ruler, a mechanical pencil, and lik a handphone charm thingy. i noe its impulsive.. and probbably stupid.. that's why i only showed the ruler to my parents.. (3.2, 10, 7.8) so.. haha.. yeah.. they have all the rare san-x characters there.. so if you want anything rare.. go there.. lol.. i'm lik a walking advert for them! lol !!! den outside best denki i saw the machines that you put in a dollar coin to get those collectable stupid key chains thing?! and Rilakkuma was there! How could i not try my luck? i got the irritating yellow bird though.. ar wellz.. i'll try my luck again when i go there.. BTW the shopkeepers were really nice and friendly.. haha.. and lik they also instigated me to buy more.. lol no lar.. they were very friendly.. and were saying how angela (zhang xiao han.. or sumthing lik that.. mvp qing ren girl) lik him too. and i was lik wadeva.. lol.. oops.. yeah.. and then they were saying that i should come back a few days later coz they are bringing it somemore stuff.. !!! lol.. i'm soo THRILLED! yeah.. they were describing the toys in chinese.. and i was lik i told them i won't buy the toys.. just the lik stationary and more practical stuff.. den lik there'z this white bear with Rilakkuma.. and i asked the lady who it was.. she said she didn't noe.. but she lent me the magazine which showed all the characters.. but that was of no help because it was in japanesE! lol.. yeah.. but i was really happY! and they were really nice.. and they didn't sound singaporean.. and couldn't be PRCs.. so i asked them where they were.. and they said taiwan.. haha.. i should have known.. they said they have tonnes of shops lik theirs in taiwan! and i was lik REALLY! and they said they would be shipping in more stuff too!!! ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

in case you didn't noe what i was talkin about.. check it out.. :)

Sorry for goin so frantically high.. and babbling everything out.. but yeah i haven't felt so thrilled and happy in a long while..

okie.. being sober a bit.. i think i'll be goin to nus fass.. i think my parents are happy that i am..

oh i'm UBER happy bout something else too.. Wendy and I just bought tix to POTC on thursday at vivo.. lol.. you can kill me now.. :P
we didn't noe you could buy advance tix off the counter lik a week in advance.. and when we found out that there were actually decent seats left.. it was a no brainer to get them.. lalalala.. happy! really am :)



I'm finally off from work.

Its going to be rough week I can tell. Probably alot more squabbles, yelling, hair gritting times. So to anyone who is goin to see me good luck and be warned that I might snap.

Teenage angst is a funny thing. You seem to be mad about everything and everyone not knowing what the exact reason is.But you just know that you are upset and peeved. You don't know what provokes you so you just lash out to every single thing that comes your way. You want to bite,rip,slash at the slightest irksome. You just don't feel yourself. That's me right now. Ironic.. I should have already gotten over this phase but apparently not. I feel too old to feel this way, lik i should know better how to react. But I can't. Not won't. Can't.

Along comes "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" wise words.

Today at ypg a qns was pose: what do you hope to get when your this current life ends?


Answers.


Its not what I hope to get. Its what I want to get. But, why didn't anyone say that? Am I the only one who still feels lost? Is it because I have not resign myself to faith all en trustingly *the word might not exist? Maybe i'm just a hypocrite. Maybe that's why. I like classes like that. They tend to inject salt into my system. Its good.

I didn't go for NTU meet the session with the faculty. I would think that is the STUPIDEST thing i have done thus far. Thank You very much. My parents seem to be hounding on that fact. I retort with the "are you happy now" line. I think there's a problem with me. I'm not sure what it is yet. But i think i have a problem.

You know how sometimes someone says something and though they seem to not mean it they really do mean it? Wells, my advice to them is, you want to be horrid just be horrid. No point trying to hide the fact that you are horrid. Damns aren't i just a very hard person. I should change.

So "Me time" is a work in progress. Lets hope I'll remember to just breathe.



that's how long more till i'm out of here. happiness. well not pure happiness but its happiness. *grins.

i can do things that i've been dying to do.
crashing jaz's course
extreme bumming
learning jap
learning french
learning how to cook from grandmama
bumming at jaz'z/per'z or my place. *gets ready the popcorns and pillows.. :)
tennis-ing
squash-ing
and just maybe golf-ing

other things that i might pursue would be goin into the retail industry and maybe into the banking sector if i'm staying in singapore.

hmm wad else? holidaying with my freinds!!!! if i'm not goin to aus i'll definetly plan sumthing.

i'm bored at work by the way.. serene'z in a meeting again. couldn't be bothered to ask her for work.. so i'm lik checking on my filing if i've filed properly..

dunno if i should go down to support the gals tmr.. they seem to be slightly devastated.

i need to get my earlier driving test date. lyn taught by this guy called mr soh has alerady gotten her liscence. she start in apr.. she finished in may. that's damn cool. apparently she went to ubi to get tested.

its not as simple as just going overseas to study you know? some very ignorant person told me that. lik hell ya. why do you think i'm having such a hard time? some pple are just better off not stating the obvious kinda peeves me off.

okie shan't cramp my relaxing mood now.. since its one of the few days where i've nothing to do in the office.. lalala

btw? watched grey's? if you haven't go catch it.. crying over some fictional character's woes can be comforting. funny huh? well at least it works for me..

oh and per?! 28 days? wanna catch.. there'z zombies in it.. :X



its our first since the 2 1/2 yrs since we graduated from sc. it was nice seeing the old bunch of gals.. i was quite sad that only 2 main cliques turned up.. and lukily peiying was there with me.. felt a bit awkward.. coz pple lik orph, xiu jun, gloria didn't go.. oh wellz.

it brought back a tonne of memories.. and it was nice NOT oraganising anything for once.. although i felt guilty for not doin anything. but yeah.. the meeting kinda reminded me how secluded pioneer was from THEIR world. lik really. i dun think its was a good or a bad thing.. but it made me realise that maybe i was fortunate or unfortunate enough to be able to see the heartlander side of society.. which struck me as.. man boi aren't we just a bunch of spoilt kids. lik seriously.

but then i realised that despite being spoilt, sometimes bimbotic and bitchy, at least they were responsible to study hard to get where they were. i mean yesh they maybe oblivious to their fortunate circumstances but at least they are putting effort to keep their fortunate circumstances, and i respect them for that.

so half of the conversations were lik suprise! suprise! which courses we were attending.. things lik business and fass were hot favourites, not to mention one lawyer and one doctor in the making.. which actually thrilled me. no, seriously. it thrilled me. its scary yet comforting that pple have to make these big choices and are making them already, and the fact that i'm on the same track means i'm not far off.. i noe this might sound stupid, but when you are around these pple, the pressure is on to be someone better. lik there is a incentive to want to be better. and sadly i couldn't say that bout my jc. i mean the friends were great.. but as far as lofty ambitions go.. the bunch from pioneer are more how shall we say.. realistic.. well that's one way to put it.. or you can just say uninspired. Either way, i have come to realise that i dun regret staying in pioneer. it has led me to open my eyes. And that i won't be happy in either. i need to be somewhere in between. being able to be content with what i have, but at the same time being able to acheive a respectable standard of sorts. i guess that was my aim all along. i'm glad i've come to realise it.

so maybe going overseas now its not going to happen. so what? and maybe if i were to stay and push freaking hard i'll just make it to 2.2. so what? i should strive to be what i can be and then weigh fancy possibilites against practicality. in short. i want to be lik them but not them. lol.

i find it enlightening. wanting to be "in" and yet skirting the outside.. not being pulled into the eye of the cyclone which makes you dizzy and throws you from your centre.

another amusing realisation is to find out that gays exists lik really exists.. lol. you noe lik not gays acting gays.. but lik gays who screw with other gays and want to get married with gays kinda gays. all these from vj. okie i should be finding this more disgusting than amusing.. but still its amusing to hear that..

overall i had i wouldn't call it fun.. but was happy to meet the prudies.. just cause from the cookie cutter.. the cookies are being decorated with different kinds of icing :) *btw have i mention before that my class was an over-acheiving class? lol..



Dad was talking bout my choices. He says wanting to go means going already. I think not. Maybe i should seriously try to get an honours in econs here. I don't know.

I should really heed my dad's advice. Although he has double standards, critizes too much and is too cynical, he loves me. He in his very rude but sure way in his way and is mostly right. He takes enough precautions to keep himself falling. He anaylses. Over analyses. Makes theories of how things are and often hits it with a pint of black. He sucks at communication and when he does, it sometimes seem in the nick of time. He reserves his judgement and make them known so that he can pull us off the cliff. I think i idolise my dad. I hate him sometimes. but still.. he is my dad. He is curt. Irritatingly Obnoxious and doesn't want to believe in fluff.


He makes me cry.

His prescence is suffocating if you don't see a hint of a smile. His eyes are fierce,Unforgiving and when it waters up you feel fear for the fact that a rock can wail.

He scolds me for my involvement in anything but work. He cannot understand being a part of a team or something other than academics is worth the while. He cannot understand this especially when it compromises your grade. He can't get it. He won't get it. And maybe he is mostly right.

I know he wants me to stay. I know this from the way he talks. I am spoilt. I've been spoilt for the whole of my life. I do not think that i have enough discipline to prove him wrong. Look here and my grades again. What happened to oh to do well to get where i want to without them worrying. I should have gotten over it by now. But i can't. Somehow i can't help but wonder if i'm not made to excel in studies. which rite now sucks. does he think i can't make it through life too? does he think i'll just limber along barely able to hold on? he won't say.


Went out with wendy again yesterday. she and i are lik seeing each other very often lik every week. which is slightly cool. was really sad that i couldn't find the ruler that i wanted.

ohz they say for ab blood type to loose weight you should eat toufu, mutton, lamb, rabbit. don't ask me the difference between mutton and lamb. and rabbits? haha.. i told wendy that she can get me rabbits from spca now.. *see dydy goin up in fits.. lol

okie i'm off to bathe. goin to try to get er kor to let me watch heroes and bleach. i need to make a timeline of where i am going.

it seems lik whenever i'm set to go somewhere, some one comes in my way to make me want to go the opposite direction again. when will i stop being so influenced by what pple think and what I think??



"The people who suffer the most are the people who don't know what they want."
I guess that's actually half true. But what exactly is a Want? A want is not a Need, but a need can be a want. And what exactly defines a want? A desire? A passion? A lust?
Is it something innate that we instantly know what we yearn for and hence would in a split second decide on the course of action that we want?

I do not know how a Want works. Is a Want considered a Want after you have contemplated and reason with yourself that the Want you actually Want is a Want that you Want? Or are you just trying to convince yourself to want something that you didn't want in the first place? If so, then a want will be influenced by factors and opinions which may ultimately not be yours.

Okie. The main point is that I do not know what I want. and the want that I tot I wanted doesn't seem to be a want anymore. But the next best choice is also not exactly something that I want either. Confusing? I think so to. and its all bout the courses that i'm goin to take.

I received an offer from nus fass. My dad said "at least you have a place in nus" I'm sure you can read in between the lines. but i guess i deserve it. i told him i might want(okie.. that may not exactly be the word to describe it..) to do engineering and then he chided me for not putting that before fass. i dun blame him either.

but here'z what i blame him for. talking to me as if i were being interrogated lik i'm some criminal. and screaming in the middle of the night.

i guess he'z rite to have no faith in me. cos afterall i'm not some high flyer-responsible-hasterner kid which i'm guessing should strive to be.

Anyways looks lik he'z holiday plans are more screwed than the ones i wanted to make. Cos i'll be away when the appeals are to happen. black humor. I can't rub it in and i'm actually stuck now. farnie.

the 280k for the next 4 yrs for my education doesn't seem to be worth the while especially (and trust me when i say this.) if i don't get a job easily which is secondary to finding a guy and marry off.
you might ask wat's so bad if you find an ang moh bf in the end.. har.. when he already blames us for being brain washed by a western culture.

Sometimes, just sometimes my cynical family are actually a blessing.

I've been missing my weekly dose of bball. So i'm goin to run later. I ate Merlionmonster twice in 6 days. *gleams. i like strawberry cheese cake ice cream. i ate it first with per den with s26 peeps. i was so glad to see ilin christina and xueling coz albeit they were the ones that pulled me thru phy and our trips down to the libaries. lol. i was radiant. truly was. i won hs at dytona twice yesterday too. heh. i noe what you are thinkin *shoots menacing glares all around.. but honestly can you scream with me! i beat a guy. comeon ... that's a marvel rite? (i noe cheap thrill.. heh) andre and darrell where lik -.- okie can't exactly blame them but they didn't touch the ice cream at ALL! they attribute it to their cough.. and wad not. hope they'll get well soon. and i bought two pairs of cute earrings.. and i'm sure if some pple saw me they will suan me stiff.. rarh. heh..

We went to the pet shop there coz well we had nothing better to do at vivo.. Anywayz,I figured i would want to own a west highland terrier one of these days. i want a brownish-greyish one. just cause they are so adorably cute. and if i need a dot to guard the house a black labrador/golden retriever would be my pick.. :) i think i might want to go down to the near by pet shop to work as a part timer.. i dunno coz animals are therapeutic.. wells.. just maybe before i kill them with my incompetence. heh.

67.5 now. ohz. bought a new fake puma bag. it not sumthing that i wanted to get.. but i think it might grow on to me.. still need to get more shirts though.

i took leave on friday not knowing i got my letter today. I call it God's divine intervention coz i really do need to think. But i dun think anyone is free to think through with me. rarh. i'm a talker. and its the worse way to learn, just cause its so hard to be independent.

jELaiNe
mARcH 27tH 1988
NUS

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