Thursday, May 10, 2007
Dad was talking bout my choices. He says wanting to go means going already. I think not. Maybe i should seriously try to get an honours in econs here. I don't know.
I should really heed my dad's advice. Although he has double standards, critizes too much and is too cynical, he loves me. He in his very rude but sure way in his way and is mostly right. He takes enough precautions to keep himself falling. He anaylses. Over analyses. Makes theories of how things are and often hits it with a pint of black. He sucks at communication and when he does, it sometimes seem in the nick of time. He reserves his judgement and make them known so that he can pull us off the cliff. I think i idolise my dad. I hate him sometimes. but still.. he is my dad. He is curt. Irritatingly Obnoxious and doesn't want to believe in fluff.
He makes me cry.
His prescence is suffocating if you don't see a hint of a smile. His eyes are fierce,Unforgiving and when it waters up you feel fear for the fact that a rock can wail.
He scolds me for my involvement in anything but work. He cannot understand being a part of a team or something other than academics is worth the while. He cannot understand this especially when it compromises your grade. He can't get it. He won't get it. And maybe he is mostly right.
I know he wants me to stay. I know this from the way he talks. I am spoilt. I've been spoilt for the whole of my life. I do not think that i have enough discipline to prove him wrong. Look here and my grades again. What happened to oh to do well to get where i want to without them worrying. I should have gotten over it by now. But i can't. Somehow i can't help but wonder if i'm not made to excel in studies. which rite now sucks. does he think i can't make it through life too? does he think i'll just limber along barely able to hold on? he won't say.
Went out with wendy again yesterday. she and i are lik seeing each other very often lik every week. which is slightly cool. was really sad that i couldn't find the ruler that i wanted.
ohz they say for ab blood type to loose weight you should eat toufu, mutton, lamb, rabbit. don't ask me the difference between mutton and lamb. and rabbits? haha.. i told wendy that she can get me rabbits from spca now.. *see dydy goin up in fits.. lol
okie i'm off to bathe. goin to try to get er kor to let me watch heroes and bleach. i need to make a timeline of where i am going.
it seems lik whenever i'm set to go somewhere, some one comes in my way to make me want to go the opposite direction again. when will i stop being so influenced by what pple think and what I think??
kickin' [18:27]
