Wednesday, May 2, 2007
"The people who suffer the most are the people who don't know what they want."
I guess that's actually half true. But what exactly is a Want? A want is not a Need, but a need can be a want. And what exactly defines a want? A desire? A passion? A lust?
Is it something innate that we instantly know what we yearn for and hence would in a split second decide on the course of action that we want?
I do not know how a Want works. Is a Want considered a Want after you have contemplated and reason with yourself that the Want you actually Want is a Want that you Want? Or are you just trying to convince yourself to want something that you didn't want in the first place? If so, then a want will be influenced by factors and opinions which may ultimately not be yours.
Okie. The main point is that I do not know what I want. and the want that I tot I wanted doesn't seem to be a want anymore. But the next best choice is also not exactly something that I want either. Confusing? I think so to. and its all bout the courses that i'm goin to take.
I received an offer from nus fass. My dad said "at least you have a place in nus" I'm sure you can read in between the lines. but i guess i deserve it. i told him i might want(okie.. that may not exactly be the word to describe it..) to do engineering and then he chided me for not putting that before fass. i dun blame him either.
but here'z what i blame him for. talking to me as if i were being interrogated lik i'm some criminal. and screaming in the middle of the night.
i guess he'z rite to have no faith in me. cos afterall i'm not some high flyer-responsible-hasterner kid which i'm guessing should strive to be.
Anyways looks lik he'z holiday plans are more screwed than the ones i wanted to make. Cos i'll be away when the appeals are to happen. black humor. I can't rub it in and i'm actually stuck now. farnie.
the 280k for the next 4 yrs for my education doesn't seem to be worth the while especially (and trust me when i say this.) if i don't get a job easily which is secondary to finding a guy and marry off.
you might ask wat's so bad if you find an ang moh bf in the end.. har.. when he already blames us for being brain washed by a western culture.
Sometimes, just sometimes my cynical family are actually a blessing.
I've been missing my weekly dose of bball. So i'm goin to run later. I ate Merlionmonster twice in 6 days. *gleams. i like strawberry cheese cake ice cream. i ate it first with per den with s26 peeps. i was so glad to see ilin christina and xueling coz albeit they were the ones that pulled me thru phy and our trips down to the libaries. lol. i was radiant. truly was. i won hs at dytona twice yesterday too. heh. i noe what you are thinkin *shoots menacing glares all around.. but honestly can you scream with me! i beat a guy. comeon ... that's a marvel rite? (i noe cheap thrill.. heh) andre and darrell where lik -.- okie can't exactly blame them but they didn't touch the ice cream at ALL! they attribute it to their cough.. and wad not. hope they'll get well soon. and i bought two pairs of cute earrings.. and i'm sure if some pple saw me they will suan me stiff.. rarh. heh..
We went to the pet shop there coz well we had nothing better to do at vivo.. Anywayz,I figured i would want to own a west highland terrier one of these days. i want a brownish-greyish one. just cause they are so adorably cute. and if i need a dot to guard the house a black labrador/golden retriever would be my pick.. :) i think i might want to go down to the near by pet shop to work as a part timer.. i dunno coz animals are therapeutic.. wells.. just maybe before i kill them with my incompetence. heh.
67.5 now. ohz. bought a new fake puma bag. it not sumthing that i wanted to get.. but i think it might grow on to me.. still need to get more shirts though.
i took leave on friday not knowing i got my letter today. I call it God's divine intervention coz i really do need to think. But i dun think anyone is free to think through with me. rarh. i'm a talker. and its the worse way to learn, just cause its so hard to be independent.
kickin' [18:39]
